Blogtober: 3 Years Married- 3 Truths

My husband and I celebrated 3 years married on October 4th. We had a really wonderful day, with cards and presents in the morning, and a delicious dinner out after work. I was thinking about how happy I was, and decided I wanted to write this post, about truths in marriage. Or my take on it anyway. So here it goes!

1. If you want a beautiful marriage, you're the one that needs to do the work.

I remember the types of comments people used to make about what I said or posted about my husband. (or then boyfriend or fiance) A lot of it was sort of joking, but the gist was the same. I constantly praised my man. I think some found it annoying, but I simply can't fathom why you wouldn't post uplifting things if you are going to say anything at all. If you want a beautiful relationship, you can't sit around and wait for the other person to make the move. You have to give selflessly for that to happen. Can it be hard and draining? Absolutely. Do I sometimes feel like I'm putting in all the work? Sure.  But we live in a society that teaches people that if it isn't easy, or all about you, or exactly what you want all the time, then it should be left or forgotten. In my mind, relationships aren't like that. Hopefully your spouse will reciprocate with kind words and selfless actions back. But even when they don't, one of you has to keep the momentum going. Because sometimes they are the ones who are putting in all the work. Beautiful relationships don't just happen on their own.

2. If you aren't happy with how someone treats you while dating, please don't get married thinking it will get better. It doesn't.

I think this is a common misconception of many people; this idea that the next thing will fix whatever is broken in their relationship. They think that the added commitment or security will somehow make it better. The truth is- it doesn't. Dating is probably the best someone will ever treat you. It's new, it's exciting, and you see each other less often than you do once you're married. Marriage is wonderful- don't get me wrong! But as the everyday sets in, some of those romantic gestures start to slide. On both ends! The bond and commitment of marriage is a gift, but it comes with its own challenges.

3. Non-summer wedding anniversaries are the best

Okay- this is a silly little truth I've been mulling around in my head. But this summer I noticed that my 2 siblings who got married in the summer had hectic anniversaries. I'm sure they still enjoyed their day! However, now that I'm thinking about it, I'm pretty sure I spent my sister's anniversary with her this year when we were in Michigan around the 4th. My little brother and his wife are some of the busiest people I know, and I'm not sure they really even got to celebrate. Actually, last year I was with them on their anniversary now that I think back. (Wow, I've really got to stop gate crashing my sibling's anniversaries!) I love having a fall anniversary. Summer is just so busy, and celebrating gets lost within all the other awesome adventures (and let's face it- other people's summer weddings you are invited to) Fall is a relaxed time for us to appreciate our day and celebrate the wonderful gift of marriage. I feel winter or spring could be similar. So don't be afraid to ditch the classic summer wedding!

Why You Should Stop Asking Friends for Advice

In high school and college, its pretty much the same for everyone. You have a best friend, or a group of gals that you tell everything to. You asked them what they thought of Johnny, or Henry, or whoever it was you were crushing on. "Is he cute?" you would ask indecisively. On the weekends you would head out shopping together and walk out of the dressing room asking, "How does this look?"

Now we're older and things have changed.

Or have they?

I was thinking about this the other day when I was out with a friend. We were talking about boys (surprise, surprise) and I mentioned that looks really didn't matter to me when I was dating my now husband because his personality was just so amazing. She replied that he "wasn't bad looking" and I immediately went into protective mode. She meant absolutely nothing bad when she said it, but it sure got me thinking.

What if I had polled my friends before I got married? Would they have thought my husband was cute and told me so? Or would they have been brutally honest and disparaged his looks, putting me in doubt? Perhaps I would never have gotten serious with the man that means everything to me now. He and I got married quickly, and I know some of my more acquaintance type friends didn't approve. Since we are happily in year 3 of our marriage, I'm sure glad I didn't listen to their doubts.

I fully understand that sometimes friends get in bad situations with men that include abuse and cheating. Please do everything you can to help a friend in such a relationship. However, I'm pretty darn sure that if you are the one who feels the need to ask your friends about a guy, especially in terms of "should I marry him?" you probably know in your gut that it isn't right.

What about things other than guys?

I was looking in my closet and thinking about all the comments friends have made shopping with me. I remember once shopping with my closest friends and saying "ooh isn't this cute?" Before turning around she said, "Victoria, if that is stripes, I'm going to strangle you." I slowly put the striped clothing piece back on the rack.

She was just kidding, but I've definitely learned over the years to buy and wear what I like, and wear it with confidence. When you ask for friends' opinions beforehand, you run the risk of getting an opinion that doesn't match with yours, and shaking your confidence.

Be confident; its time to fly on your own two wings little bird. - Tweet This

Lately, I've been trying this in the reverse with my friends. There are some things that they've asked in regards to work and personal issues that I truly do not feel comfortable answering. I know what I would do in that situation, but I am not them, and they are not me. I would hate for a friend to become bitter and resentful towards me if she took my advice and then later really regretted it. I am learning to try and answer their questions with my own questions, like "how do you feel about it?" "What does your gut say?" These types of questions get down to the heart of the matter without implicating yourself and leading your friend astray.

Friendships are wonderful things. Lets continue building one another up while learning to stand on our own two feet.

Distance relationships

First of all, let me say "you can do it." I'm sure you've heard all the negative nancies in the world tell you that your relationship isn't going to make it. It isn't the same as couples who are together in the same town, blah blah blah. In the words of my mom when I was growing up, "be a duck and let it roll off your back." This is just a little list of positive ideas (and a few tips) I have gathered from my friends and family after 8 months of distance. 

1. You enjoy your time together more, and appreciate it. 

2. With distance some of the mystery and magic can last longer. Hello extended honeymoon stage!

3. 1 word: FaceTime. (Unless Skype is more your thing)

4. Always, always, always have some sort of plan for the next time you'll see each other. (Even if it's 6 months away) This keeps hope alive. 

5. The best tip I got from a friend was that a deadline was essential. You have to see some light at the end of the tunnel. If it's a serious relationship you'll be able to start planning how to merge your lives together. 

6. Prayer knows no distance. Pray for your significant other. It will make you feel close even when you're far apart. 

Xoxo